Friday, May 7, 2010
Hey guys! Its been a roughhhhh week =[ Well, i guess everyone is feeling better now :D Since we all can finally take a mini-break before banging the books again :x So yea, i wanna confess something to you guys. Actually, i really never appreciate other people, bothered about myself and everything, till i met this nerdy girl, wearing her glasses, weighing 60kg. Haha, yea its gonna be my somewhat love story. So one day, she sms-ed me. 'Is there any math homework?' I was like, wtf? I don't even study. I called and that girl didn't pick up. Soon i realised it was my baby. I can never forget how we met, how we had our first kiss, the moments spend together. Remembering all the times we have been together, my heart melts. I never expected love from a girl before. I was always thinking about nicole during my primary school days. I didn't bother about the other girls that 'liked' me. But after that long wait, i wanted to ask her out, to be mine. And she left. I knew the chances of getting her was dead-zero. I kept trying to get in touch with her. Till 3years, when i was sec 1. I finally got the courage to ask. And whatthefuck yea. She said, i've changed. She doesn't like the way i am. From that moment on, i told myself. The next girl, i want her to be the happiest girl on earth. I want her to be HAPPY to have me. Boom, here i am. I don't know, i've never really tasted true happiness for long. In every happiness i seeked, i always had to pay a price. A painful price, i either had to sacrifice someone for another, or prepared to get scolding or prepared for the emo-ness i'm going to get after that 1hour of giggling and laughter.
From what i learnt that happened between me and nicole that never started, i changed. I seeked for a better me, to have a better you. Well yea, who doesn't want to have a hot girlfriend. Yea, so what if i'm skinny? Does it matter if you have a hot guy that slaps you, hits you, throw you around while he fucks some other chick? I don't see why girls only look at stuff momentarily. I wished you never started that fucking thought of getting abs and losing weight. Maybe thats why people say, don't let it go away. I shouldn't have let things go your way, i should have controlled you. I shoudn't have respected every single decision you made in your life. I feel guilty that i cause this change in you.
Do you know the hatred people have for you? I can't be blamed for it. Even my cousin knows you, and people talk about you. Its not me thats bringing you the reputation. Just walking around and throwing your tantrums can cause a scene in this school. Folded arms, attitude. All these. Yea we all want the best. I want the best too. Do i have the best? I've never had anything to be really proud of from young. I grew up not like other kids. Smiling happy and whatsoever. I grew up with canings every week, scars, traumatising events. Do you know what it feels like to get hurt by your loved one? The heartwrecking pain that never stops in your heart. As a young boy, i grew up like this. For every single little mistake, its caning. I grew up with pain. So yea, if you grew up like this. Maybe you would wanna join me in my life.
Back to her. I really enjoyed our whole 2 years of relationships. But i stopped feeling secured a year back. I felt that, you were cheating on me. That guy, that so called 'JOB' guy. I wasn't dumb. I checked up on him. I really don't wanna talk about that dog. I felt the need to check up on you. The need to know what your doing. And the very fucking incident that tore me apart. You went to sentosa alone to suntan. And some random guys came up to you and took photos. Oh com'on. If you can't reject, just say no. Or call me. What am i to you? Was i even your boyfriend? Wtf. I can't accept this fact till today. Honestly, i've never took a photo with another girl. Not less say in my swimwear. Do you know how painful it is? But yet, yet, i still forgave you.
All i expected from you, was to be faithful to me. Be with me. Love me. I didn't want much. I don't understand whats wrong with girls. When things striked them, they get complacent.
Maybe i shouldn't say much about our relationship. Lets talk about me. So recently, i message evan, angela and buk to ask them. Am i truly happy? I asked myself. I reply to myself that god, i'm just fucking happy to lay in bed and talk all the nonsense with you. Get a heartwarming massage from you. Yea, i was truly happy. I was satisfied with you, I didn't want more. But you wanted more, more for yourself. So anyway, evan said, nope. your not. I asked why. She said she could just tell from her senses. Well, obviously, i wasn't happy at all. She could just see through my mask that i was wearing, even though i joked and smiled when we are out. Its just weird how people study others. I expected her to say i was, but maybe she knew i really wasn't.
Moving on. Angela replied and said. She doesn't know cause she wasn't in school only when exams. Hmmm.. But i didn't expect her to even reply :x So yea. And of course, i think buk is either too tired or whatsoever. It didn't really bother me (don't worry buk) anyway :D Anyway, thx for the people who actually bother to read, and you, my love, if you keep stalking, and don't leave the taggy on the taggy box. I'll kill you and rape you apart :D Better leave a tag, even if the words are fuck you =]
I love people that are truthful to me and not an artifice. I hate people that pretend to be someone else. I want to have the true you cause thats the reason why i want to befriend, talk, or be with you. Cause its the true you i'm looking for. Not your nice hot body, or boobs, or sex, or intelligence or looks. Its your heart that i would be talking to my friends. Not your body. Remember that.
So i guess i'll end off by saying the quote of the day;
Inner beauty is what that beautifies ones appearance.
With the best of it, you can be the most beautiful woman/girl/guy/man even if your ugly.
A Paradigm Occured at, 4:34:00 PM.
